


untitled

by TsukiKabanoki



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23477299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukiKabanoki/pseuds/TsukiKabanoki
Summary: "We found Merlin on the shore of a lake. With Arthur's sword. He … he took his own life."
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 114





	untitled

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so please forgive the mistakes I made.

When Leon and three of the other knights returned from their search, they brought Percival with them.

Gwen was in the throne room, only accompanied by Gaius and two guards, who opened the doors for the men.

She was not sitting on the throne, she wasn't wearing a crown, she hadn't even bothered to put on jewelry or do her hair.

When they entered she scanned the small crowd for her husband. The hope inside her disappeared completely when she saw Leon's expression.

"What happened? Percival, I'm glad to see you back. But … what happened?"

Leon gave Percival a look, as if to ask his approval, then said: "My lady, I'm afraid we have no good news to report. We found Gwaine ... Gwaine's body first. He died being tortured by Morgana. Percival was looking for her. We … found her too. She was stabbed, but we don't know by whom." Then he hesitated.

Tears were already welling up in Gwen's eyes, but she held them back. She was queen. She couldn't fall apart now.

Gaius squeezed her hand. "Sir Leon?"

"I'm so sorry. We didn't find the king, but we believe him dead, my lady, because …" Leon looked at Gaius now. "We found Merlin on the shore of a lake. With Arthur's sword. He … he took his own life."

Gwen let out a loud gasp and sank to the ground, sobbing. She had wanted to stay strong. She had tried. But the news of Arthur's death and Merlin's unexpected suicide had her undone in seconds.

In contrast, Gaius closed his eyes, silent tears running over his face. He put his hands on Gwen's shoulders in quiet comfort, but remained still.

"Gaius?" Leon questioned softly.

"I suppose I … expected it." His voice broke. "Merlin … Merlin has always been a … troubled soul. I have always known that if Merlin were to die … it would be because of his love for Arthur."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I do this to myself.
> 
> If Merlin wouldn't be immortal, I do think that it would fit his character to commit suicide after Arthur's death, because whether or not he loved Arthur romantically or platonically, he definitely loved him so much that his whole life revolved around him.  
> He didn't just lose Arthur that day, he lost his entire identity. Protecting Arthur was the priority in his life, to the point where he was willing to condemn an entire group of people, including himself, to save Arthur, and ... he failed.  
> There are also moments in the show where I thought that Merlin should, realistically, have a mental illness, be it PTSD or depression. And with all the other people he has lost up to that point I really do think that Arthur's death would have absolutely broken him.
> 
> Sorry for my ramblings, I'm just really emotional about this show.
> 
> Also, I'm not trying to glorify suicide. If you have suicidal thoughts please get help! YOUR LIFE IS WORTH SO MUCH and the future still has so much to offer you, despite what you might think now!


End file.
